The Glorious Return!

To those who read my blog, it may have seemed like I fell off the face of the Earth.  Well, I did.  I hitched a ride on the turtle that carries the planet on the elephants on its back, and let me tell you, turtles are slow creatures.  Even giant space turtles.  That's what took me so long.

Some very interesting things out there in space, you know...

So I have a lot of catching up to do.  A big long list.  For example, I missed writing about New Year's.  One of my resolutions was to commit to a schedule for this blog.  Guess what?  I didn't.

I was also going to write about, for anyone resolving to eat healthier this year, how salt isn't as unhealthy as it's often made out to be.  Well, January 1st was 25 days ago, and I have no idea what those articles were.  I'll find them.

What's happened since I've been gone...?  Ah, yes!  SOPA finally got the attention it deserves, and the people of America -- nay, the WORLD! -- secured a temporary victory.  Unfortunately for me, all of the attention SOPA was getting eclipsed the attention given to a different bill, which, as luck would have it, spelled out the same acronym.  SOPA, or the "Salt On Pretty much Anything" bill was lost amid a flurry of protest.  I'm actually surprised that it didn't go through, considering so many people on Capitol Hill are old and salty (not to be confused with old salts).

Anywho...

Not just any who -- Cindy Lou Who!

But actually, anywho, this post isn't terribly substantial.  It's just an indication that, well, I'm back.

So there.

Salt Crystal Christmas Trees

It's Christmas Eve, everyone.  And for those of you who didn't know, that means tomorrow is...

CHRISTMAS!

So I bring you all a very salty Christmas project.  It's a festive twist on the old salt crystal project that's so common at elementary school science fairs.  If you start it tonight, it should be ready by Christmas morning.

Here's what you'll need:

• Non-corrugated Cardboard
• Bluing
• Ammonia*
• Table Salt, britches!
• Food Coloring*
• Measuring Spoon
• Bowl
• Water
• Scissors

*optional but recommended

Here's what you do:

• Cut some tree shapes out of the cardboard. Put slits in them like so:

•  Slide the two pieces together to make a standy-uppy tree like this:

• Put a bit of food coloring on the branches of the tree, if desired.

•  Now, mix the heck out of
• 1 tbsp. water
• 1 tbsp. salt
• 1 tbsp. bluing
• 1/2 tbsp. household ammonia

(The ammonia is not necessary, but it speeds up the process by a lot. Without it, this might take a couple of days to start working.)

• Stand the tree in the solution and watch it grow!

Obviously, this is very Christmassy.  The shape that you use can be anything, provided it stands up.  I missed the beginning of Hanukkah (sorry, Hasidic Plumber!), but it's still going on, so if you're ambitious with scissors you could probably pull off a menorah.  A Star of David would work well too, with some yellow food coloring or something.  Or for anyone wanting to go the non-affiliated route, a generic snowman would suffice.

There's loads of stuff to do, so use your imaginations, folks.  Happy Holidays!

Salt Lake Monster!

Picture a dolphin... that eats cows.  No, wait.  It's more like an alligator, uh... with a horse's head.  And it's seventy-five feet long.  Yeah.  Scary.  Actually, no.  A snake's body and a greyhound's head.  Is that scarier?  Hmm...

Which is Scariest?Okay, so the last one I made up, but it's something I'd like to see one day in real life.  Surely there must be one out there somewhere.  Otherwise -- mad scientists: get on it!

 I guess this is the closest I'll ever get to seeing one...

Speaking of whales, though, in 1890 a newspaper in Provo, Utah reported that a pod of whales had been spotted swimming through the Great Salt Lake.  Fifteen years earlier a pair of whales had been planted there.  They probably died from the high salinity, and it's pretty unlikely that they went on to have children, like the article suggests.  Anyway, the point is that whales are on topic when it comes to alleged monster sightings in Great Salt Lake.

The first three horrific beasts that I mentioned are all descriptions of monsters (or conflicting descriptions of a single monster) supposedly encountered in the Great Salt Lake.  Perhaps partly to explain why a huge monster like this would be residing in a lake as shallow as Great Salt Lake (avg. max. depth: 33ft. (10m)), and partly to not have to explain how a macroscopic creature could live in an environment of nearly 30% salinity (and nearly devoid of food), it has been speculated that an underwater cavern connects Great Salt Lake to Bear Lake.  Bear Lake is a freshwater lake, and it's much deeper than the Great Salt Lake, with a maximum depth of 208ft (63m).

The Corinne Record reported in 1877 that employees at Barnes and Co. Salt Works spotted a monster in Great Salt Lake and quite literally ran for the hills (well, mountains).  One of the workers, J.H. McNeil, described the creature as "a huge mass of hide and fin rapidly approaching, and when within a few yards of the shore it raised its enormous head and uttered a terrible bellow ... [It was] a great animal like a crocodile or alligator ... but much larger ... It must have been seventy-five feet long, but its head was not like an alligator's -- it was more like a horse's."

Here are some photographs and artist renderings of the alleged monster:

 I see the alligator parts... where are the horse parts?

 Wait, is this even the same monster?

 Is the guy standing and pointing supposed to make this look less shooped?

 A little kid about to be swallowed the eff up.

 

 The sperm-shaped version of the monster that I forgot to mention.

 Look, there it is! It can walk on land too?!

The moral of this post is -- though I hate to admit it, because I'm always pulling for the folks down at Salt Lake (even the, uh, more imaginative ones...) -- that you can swim quite safely in Great Salt Lake.  Rest assured, you won't get eaten.  At least not by some weird hybrid beast.  Probably.